You have the power to change your mood at this very
moment--to increase your optimism, elevate your energy and enthusiasm, and
increase your motivation toward reaching your personal goals. How is this
possible?
"By sowing the seeds of gratitude".
Research shows that when you increase feelings of gratitude,
a domino effect occurs and you begin to experience other positive changes as
well, such as increased overall happiness. If you've ever been told to
"count your blessings," you should have listened.
What is gratitude and why is it important to your
relationship?
At some point in your relationship you will take your
partner for granted. There's really no way around this. Don't panic--this
doesn't mean you love your partner any less or that your relationship is
troubled. (After all, most of us take life for granted at one time or another,
but that doesn't mean we don't love being alive!) Patterns develop in
relationships that lead us to expect certain things from our partners. The joy
and tenderness that was once stirred by a morning hug or warm greeting can get
lost because of sheer repetition or busy lives that compete for attention.
Gratitude is the antidote to taking your partner for
granted.
First and foremost, gratitude is a mindset.
Gratitude is not a one-time event but rather a mindset that
requires cultivation. A gratitude mindset can refocus your attention, pointing
out all the small, easily over-looked things your partner does. It reminds you
that your wife didn't have to phone "just to say hello" or that your
husband didn't have to cook dinner after a long, exhausting day. The gratitude
mindset silences anti-appreciative thoughts like, "She's supposed to do
that..." or "He's just doing what any father should do..." When
you embrace gratitude and make it part of your inner dialogue, you'll hear
yourself saying, "She's such a thoughtful person" or "Our
children are lucky to have him as a father."
Adopting the mindset of gratitude takes commitment. But, if
you decide to become more consistently grateful for your partner or spouse,
look what you'll get in return: you'll feel better about yourself and your
relationship; you'll feel more positive and optimistic about the future of your
relationship or marriage; your partner will sense this optimism and positive
outlook and therefore will feel appreciated, and will become infected by the
spread of gratitude.
How to begin:
~ Begin to notice all the small things your partner does,
especially all the things you typically expect him/her to do. The next time
your partner gets the children fed and off to school before heading to work,
notice the love, dedication and multi-tasking skills involved in this activity.
~ Be open to your partner's uniqueness. Remind yourself of
all the reasons you are drawn to your partner. What is it about this person
that made you want to spend the rest of your life with him/her?
~ See things from a fresh perspective. He's made you coffee
every morning for the last three years; She's stopped to pick up takeout each
Friday after work for the last year; Rather than going the typical route of a
bakery, he bakes your birthday cake each year (forget, for a moment, the fact
that it tasted like soot)... It's easy to get used to these repetitive, kind
gestures and it's even easier to rationalize them as something most people
would do--take my word for it, not everyone would do all the special things
your partner does.
~ Each evening, mentally revisit the time you spent with
your partner that day. Notice the conversations you had, the things s/he did.
Think of which unique traits that your partner possesses were on display that
day (e.g., her sense of humor, the way she smiles, his tenderness).
~ Stop and smell the coffee (that perhaps your partner
brewed). Allow yourself the time to feel grateful for what you're noticing.
Become absorbed in your appreciation and savor the experience. Since capturing
things on paper can help you slow down and mindfully focus on things you're
grateful for, write down what you're noticing and appreciating in your partner.
The few minutes this will take is well worth the effort.
~ Communicate your gratitude to your partner in a way that
feels meaningful to you. This can be direct (telling your partner how you feel)
or indirect (doing something thoughtful for your partner).
Remember: although it might feel like human nature to focus
on what isn't working, it's most gratifying and rewarding to begin with an
awareness and appreciation of the strengths that you and your partner already
bring to the relationship.
Adopting a gratitude mindset is one way to help you begin
transforming your relationship.
Article Source: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
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